Why I hate waterproof mascara

So I’m not usually a huge make-up person. I mean a bit of mascara, eyeliner and lip gloss are my standard go-tos on a daily basis. Sure I might try to glam it up for a special occasion, but for the most part, I generally can’t be arsed (read: I would prefer to sleep in). And let’s be real, those three additions to my daily routine aren’t much. Most of the time I’m just trying to cover up the fact that I may have drunk too much wine on a school night (read: I definitely did) and ended up getting a shitty night’s sleep as a result. But still, it’s my thing.

And just like I stick with this thing, I also stick with my brand of mascara. And yes, I’m really picky about it. Over the years I’ve tried a lot of them out and the one I always come back to over and over again is the Maybelline Great Lash. You know the one, pink tube, green lid, sells a tube every 15 seconds….Ok, I may have made that last part up, but the point is, it’s a pretty fucking big best seller. Especially when it comes to the everyday-I-can’t-afford-the-expensive-shit-but-still-want-to-look-good anyway stuff.

So I’ve bought this particular brand for years and at this point, I’m never going to change. It’s always the blackest black that I get and at any one time, I can have about ten tubes of it on standby at home, just in case. So you can imagine my surprise (and disgust) when I accidentally purchased a fucking waterproof version of my favourite beauty trick. I actually didn’t even notice I’d done it. It wasn’t until the next morning, when I woke up with a bigger than normal case of panda eyes that I finally put two and two together…

All of which led me to the question of why we even need fucking waterproof mascara in the first place. I mean seriously…why? I can think of a couple of reasons and a shitload of good excuses as to why we don’t need it. Allow me to explain:

1. Swimming – ok, I’m sorry, but really? Between the fact I’m trying to pull off a two piece while still maintaining control over my naturally curly (read: fucking crazy) hair as it comes into contact with any form of moisture, mascara is pretty much the last thing I’m thinking about. No amount of “eye-pop” is going to cover up this shit storm going on up top.
2. The gym – this is one that really pisses me off. Anyone who thinks it’s normal to work out with a full face of make up on is a fucking idiot. I mean seriously…I don’t even know what more there is to say about this.
3. Crying at the movies/work/emotional situation – nothing a pair of dark glasses won’t cover up.

So as you can see, there really is no excuse for waterproof mascara. In fact, as I discovered last night when I opened the oven and the residual mascara that no amount of face cleansing shit can get rid of meant my eyes sealed shut with the escaping heat, it can actually be a health hazard.

~ Claire